I am not whoever people say I am!!! Ahh welll.. Mayb.ee.... The me that many see is different from them me that I see myself as, 'cuz I have a bad problem with Acting.,.,.,.. Pretending to be someone I am not is just how I learned to communicate and interact with people, 'cuz of myy autismm..,.,.,,,, which often leads to me acting in whatever way they want or expect — despite my own thoughts & comfort. But,,, yknow.. perhaps that does make me that me that they see ? just perhaps... But I do not see myself that way soo .,.,.,.,.,

I've gotten better at being less evil and less self-destructive !! It is awesome!! I only ever hope for improvement !!! I have seen myself do it despite thinking it was impossible, so it is very important to me that everyone else improves as well !!! Self reflection is basically all I do with my time now because I ammm free very often.. It is also a very awesome thing that people should be doing all the time!

Small rant sorry but I think you might enjoy reading anyway -> I think that being able to tell yourself that you were a bad person, did bad things, etc, etc. and taking steps to improve on your behavior after realizing is very strong and makes me respect those people a lot! My endless hours of (self-)reflection are why I'm so hopeful and blindly trusting of other's words until they give me a reason to doubt them — AND EVEN THEN !! I WILL KEEP HOPING FOR THEIR IMPROVEMENT BECAUSE IF THEY DO NOT, THEN WE WILL HAVE TO EXECUTE THEM PUBLICLY, AND THAT IS JUST TERRIBLE !!! I cannot believe that people have consequences for their actions !!!!

Anywways. I cannot be a bad person by my own standards, I cannot be a hypocrite, I cannot not stand for anything, I cannot be illogical, I cannot be overly violent (I need to give myself some space here sorry LMAO), I cannot be a liar, I cannot be someone who is ignorant, and I absolutely CANNOT be stupid !!! I have been all of these things in the past and it is why I know who I cannot be now. Ahh I do joke about a lot of this stuff tho so maybe I truly am just forever evil lololol

I was gonna say I'm no longer everything I regret being, but I don't really consider it entirely "not me" nor do i completely regret experiencing them. That was still me, and who I used to be made it possible changing into who I am now.

Little me had really severe anger issues and had poor capacity when it comes to considering how other people feel. It wasn't that I thought less of theirs and it wasn't selfishness I used to believe it was. It just didn't seem important to me for people to care about each other. I hated almost everyone, but that was because I subconsciously thought everyone also hated me.

I’m who I am now not because I stopped wanting to be that person, but rather I’ve come to understand where she was coming from and what I had to change for the better, for the sake of both the old me and my loved ones. I wouldn’t exactly despise if something happens and I end up resembling her unpleasant behavior again. After all, slowly learning not to shame the person I used to be and all her mistakes is what freed me of all that hatred I was filled with in the first place. But I guess someone I’d like to avoid being would be a person who’s too consumed by anger and projected hurt that I’d lose the capacity to understand both myself and others again. Yeah 🌈

I used to be very pessimistic. It wasn't very obvious at the time and I thought I was simply being realistic, when no, I was in a sort of crisis and felt like the worst person ever. I can't be pessimistic anymore because being so nearly killed me, in a way. I carry a lot of guilt from how I acted during that part of my life, so I always try to be the one being actually realistic, a bit absurdist on the side, listing out pros and cons, and sincerely believing that things work out for the best.

Another is being someone who can't feel. I cannot be someone who cannot feel or at least can't consider emotions inside my way of thinking. I cannot hate a person more if they claim to be "logical" but disregard emotions and make fun of people who are sensitive. It's an inherent disrespect to Life Itself, an inherent flaw in their logic! True wisdom comes from finding a path with both logic and emotion. There is emotion within logic and logic within emotion, these things can't be separated or put on different pedestals. I wish to never become such a person and cause hurt because of this line of thinking.