ahh thank you so so so so much!!! it’s amazing that people look forward to the things i write, i am grateful for that Beyond Words but i simply never know when i’m going to update. so answering “i don’t know” every time does get a little repetitive!!! it doesn’t stress me out bc i’m very solid in knowing Why i write, and it’s never To Share. i write because i enjoy it and it helps me process and then i maybe share it if i feel like it. i very rarely Force myself to do anything fic/writing related and i think that’s one of the big reasons why people think my fics are fun+heartfelt. i have fun writing them and i write the feelings i want to express in that moment!!! i have no idea how long things will take bc i follow my whims & i never give myself deadlines

i think that is also why i also literally never get writers block!!! (knock on wood). i don’t think i’ve gone a single day in the last 2ish years without writing at least a couple sentences in my notes app. when i’m really busy i go to the bathroom to write a little on my phone to destress like a nic addict going to hit their vape. i never stress about estimating a timeline bc i just don’t care at all even a little bit. the final product is at the bottom of my list of priorities when i’m writing fic. i write because i love the act of writing!

sorry for the essay of an answer i always do this. i cannot explain how much i appreciate you saying this, thank you ♡♡♡♡

I ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT THIS A LOOOT HAHAHA I have tried to understand why I write the way I write and what makes my writing Mine especially as my relationship to it changes with time and new circumstances, so this is going to be a mega answer I’m sorry in advance.

I think a big reason why it comes across as unique is that I create a LOT, and comparatively consume very little. writing is something I love but its also an actual compulsion (that I need to keep a handle on bc it does start negatively impacting my life and health) so a lot of the times I feel like a CANT consume. Annoying, but definitely has enabled me to develop a style with very little outside influence, esp from other writers bc if im engaging with the medium I just feel the urge to do it myself.

In the same vein I never shared my writing with anyone other than my sister sometimes, and I received ZERO feedback (she’s so annoying). I was all output, no input. I require absolutely no external validation to write, that’s the habit I’ve built, so I think that really enables me to continue writing stuff that is ‘unique’ (weird) with very little concern for how it is received. except for when it is deeply vulnerable then I get a little afraid. but I’m gonna keep writing the same stuff either way LOL.

As for it seeming human and the dialogue: some crazy #emmylore but I have dissociative identity disorder and I can confidently say that is The driving force behind pretty much all of my characterization and dialogue. The biggest reason I write is to understand myself, and I have a bunch of selves LMAOOO so even as I take on different perspectives, they are all very personal to me as one human being and I understand them from lived experience. the best example of this is minho’s perspective vs jisung’s perspective in no attachments, they are both my own and looking at them in a container outside of myself with different context is my way of negotiating the VASTLY differing approaches/ideas I have on my life and the world. Because when it comes down to it I am one person and all the little pieces of my brain need to be on the same page!

I think the dialogue piece is more simple LOL. My experience of DID is very different these days but I used to have near constant chatter in my mind which made writing dialogue really intuitive—if it didn’t sound like the back and forth in my head, it wasn’t right. And I think it seems creative/funny/out there because I am genuinely fucking strange. Like just neutrally and objectively. I’ve had a lot of strange major life events and a VERY strange upbringing, the way my brain is structured & how I experience life is strange, my humor is naturally absurd and strange. It’s just how I operate, I never go into a scene with the goal of ‘ok now I want this to be funny’ it simply happens. Which is why there is ENDLESS back and forth between comedy and drama in my writing, and i think its also why the back and forth isn’t too jarring or unnatural (based on the feedback I’ve received hahaha).

OK IM FINALLY DONE. THAT WAS A LOT. If you read all that woowwww thanku. And thank you for asking!!!

Omg so the initial 4 day no sleep draft is Exactly what I first posted and mostly what is still posted now, except I went in and edited the original punctuation at some point. I was picturing it vividly as a single-camera sitcom in my mind as I wrote so it had crazy script-like punctuation. that is also why there is no description of setting, most of it was happening in my mind this was just the script.……. I really thought nobody was going to read this LMAO

But in terms of what was happening in my mind palace it was ALLLL hyunibini ALLLLL the time. chanlix originally existed for the sole purpose of giving hyunibini something to bond over and the background minsung was to keep my toxic minsunger sister engaged like ‘pspspsps and then minsung has something secret and suspicious happening in the background please keep reading my changbin hyunjin fic please pspspsps.’ she was the only one who read my writing, and the one who got me into skz, and she was mad asf that I latched onto a ship she didnt like (hyunibini) then tried to break up minsung (wanted to write jeongsung).

when i was first writing i didn’t even know what was going on with minsung and quite frankly did not care at all I was just tossing crumbs bc I wanted my only reader to read my fic (she is the only person in the world who can act like this towards me & the only person I would ever cater towards HAHAHA).

but when I started really loving minsung too and I decided to do a spin-off, it was SO HARD to make shit work and match up with the long game bc there was no rhyme or reason to the crumbs I was just tossing shit in. I had to build a plot that made sense around these random little mentions. Super hard but also a superrrrr fun challenge it was like a puzzle. It still is sometimes hahahaha

Thanku for asking :D

GIRL I AM NOT EVEN JOKING MY TOXIC MINSUNGER SISTER SAID SHE WOULD NOT READ THE FICS UNLESS IT WAS MINSUNG. originally i was writing background jeongsung in the long game as the established couple who had been together since they were young teenagers, but then she was like 'im not reading that' and she was the ONLY person who read my fic at the time bc it was just a thing we did together I never posted things. so i said Fine Whatever and changed it. i like minsung a lot now and their plot ended up being a lot more interesting than the jeongsung i had planned so it worked out! i would like to return to jeongsung one day in a different universe hahahaha

fuuuck this franchise but hands down my biggest fanfiction inspo was a series of harry potter and the cursed child fics (never cared about the original harry potter universe but for some reason i loved that fucking play that everyone hated😭). i read it in like 2016 & it is the reason my fics are the way they are for real. it was a mega long multi-pov extended universe with a lot of interwoven relationship dynamics, insights on the lasting impacts of trauma and insanely strong characters + dialogue. my fave part was that i could always tell which character was speaking even before reading the tags, i thought it was The Best Thing Ever and really wanted to be able to create multifaceted but grounded/recognizable characters like that.

I haven’t read much fanfiction for the last decade or so, so a lot of my more recent inspo comes from movies and single-camera sitcoms. before skz consumed me my special interest was single-camera sitcoms so whenever I got comments on the long game that were like ‘this reads like a sitcom’ I giggled bc they were right on the nose hahahaha

thanku for askingggggg! this is a really emmy-lore heavy answer omg

omgggg so i watched a bunch of hyunibini compilations then fr went into a manic episode where i didnt sleep for four days and wrote the first like 100k of the long game in a week. then crazy style hyperfixated on only this series throughout the ~6 month depressive episode that followed.

as to how it become such a Thing: I NEVERRRR wanted my fics to gain traction like this, I didn’t have socmed and didn’t promote them at all. I never expected or wanted more than a handful of people to read it but people started posting about it on twt which brought more commenters, and I started making friends w the regulars so I was convinced by oomf to also get on twt to keep in touch. but that was MONTHS into posting, like around ch 6 of no attachments, & it had already gained a LOT more attention than I realized so getting online and seeing that really freaked me out hahahaha I deleted twt and didn’t post anything on ao3 for a long time bc I did NOT like having so many eyes on my writing. I thought surely if I don’t update for a couple months this will slow down….. but it did NOOOOTTTT. that did not deter anyone at ALL it just kept getting more and more and more attention so I was like alright. I’m either going to have to lean into this or stop posting altogether, and if it resonates w this many people without me even pushing it I should probs take this really amazing & unique opportunity for connection and help build out the community surrounding around it. even though it is scaryyy vulnerable and never ever what I intended.

I’m so happy I decided to keep posting!!! i never couldve imagined this when I started & I am extremely grateful for the Thriving community that surrounds it. it is sooooo much bigger than me, I never ever forget how lucky I am to be able to contribute to it!

essay length answer but yes that is how it all started ♡ thank you for asking hahahaha

i believe in love because i feel it all the time and i feel it all the time because i believe in love. does that make sense? love is one of those things that finds you because you create it, i think. i mean love in general, not just romantic love, because romantic love is just one version of what love can be, in equal value to all the other kinds, and it is very possible to live a happy life without it. it is beautiful on account of love being beautiful but there are all sorts of ways to fill your life with “pure and real and crazy” love. romance is is in no way the end all be all of love, and the fact that its treated as such is propaganda.
sincerely, a romance writer

just kidding. but there’s a reason why I put so much emphasis on friendships (and other relationships) in my fics. “pure and real” love exists in all shapes and sizes, and in my experience it exists everywhere once you start looking for it. i started seeking out connection by showing people love in all kinds of ways, big and small, and now my life is crammed full of it.

that being said, individualism is a highly contagious disease, many are infected (especially those of us in the US) and battling it is a conscious effort. Feeling love and care for other people may be intuitive but Showing it is a practice that not everyone does, for whatever reason they may have. i’m fighting symptoms around those who keep themselves sick all the time but when i put in the effort i find other people who are doing the same. i think putting in the effort together is what makes love pure and real? and you can find that in a lot of circumstances.

but I also had to learn that Loving is not people-pleasing or letting people walk all over me or sacrificing myself until there is nothing left, that there are infinite ways to love and it doesn’t always look pretty, and that I could not love people the way I wanted if I did not take care of myself and my health first. i’m also just extremely lucky at this point in my life. there’s a lot to it. idk man i’m 23 and kind of stupid and talk a lot know a lot less than i think i do.

TLDR: it’s not science-fiction, i know that because i feel it in all kinds of ways, and i’m not special in any way. like literally everything in life, it’s effort and luck. in my opinion, it’s worth seeking it out until you find it, even if it feels unfair and impossible at times.

i’m SO fucking sorry for the essay. i think about this a lot. thanks for asking & for reading my things !!!

I HAVE BEEN CRYING ALL DAYYY IT JUST KEEPS COMING THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! i feel like today has been one of the most emotional (positive) days of my life oh my goodness. sorry for the incoming essay

firstly, i’m so happy you’re feeling better now. getting better is a lifelong thing that ebbs and flows, it’s hard to do and you should be proud of yourself for doing it. i’m sure you already know, it is well worth the work. keep getting better always! i’m cheering for you!

second, my writing has been The thing i turn to in my darkest times for so much of my life, and the fact that i can extend that is more special to me than i can even say. i had this clinician in one of the treatment centers i frequented for many years that i really connected with and respected and trusted. one time she very sincerely told me that i “have so many beautiful things to share.” if anyone else said that i would’ve rolled my eyes, but since it was her i’ve been letting it marinate for like… three or four years now? it never felt very true, but i kept it in mind.

you and others have really made me feel like i have so many beautiful things to share. i will seriously be grateful for that forever. i am but a person, not wonderful nor bad, who puts a lot of effort into being happy and peaceful and kind. i fail all the time, but i never stop trying. it can be a thankless task, but hearing things like this feels like reaping what i’ve sown at a scale i never could’ve imagined and — again — will be grateful for forever

thank you so much for sharing this. it made me giggle so hard and like, isn’t life just looking forward to kpop rpf in the mental hospital…? living is suffering and joy is everywhere. both are true in equal measures. i’m happy we got to share this light together. let’s keep getting better and keep finding the lights amongst the horrors !!! may they become brighter and brighter