i did not see the threads analyzing the med episode, i didn't even watch the med episode outside of clips bc them being under anaesthesia for clicks was making me feel a little :/ i did see that one clip of chan staring off as him fondly ... i'll be honest i think a lot of this "chanlix cut for time" rhetoric that has been going around for years is a bit of hoopla, and genuinely if there was cutesie stuff going on they would be Using it for fanservice, and i'm willing to bet that if anything were getting cut it would be bc it doesn't make for good fan content ... which i suppose by that margin you can interpret all sorts of things going on between them but idkkk idk. this isn't me being a chanlix cynic like i feel like im known for being these days this is me simply trying to be practical like i dont think it's that deep In The Way People Want It To Be... like it might be deep in different ways. idk. im not explaining myself well. idk how to articulate this yet. maybe need to do a space with vi and lets my thoughts spill out that way and maybe then i'll start making sense LOLLL. the house planning thing is always suuuch a hard watch for me like chan is so giddy and excited about it like i rlly rlly can't take it. idk if that was a Them thing so much as a Chan thing. han river walk was likely Hard. there's my chanlix shipper headcanon that work great for fic and then there's the Truth that i believe happened on that walk and those things aren't rlly compatible. i think heart kids room with definitely have a crumb or two that will revive the community but i'll never speak with certainty that they're going to interact loads or at all bc chanlix enjoy betraying me no matter what sort of position i assume bc they are EVIL muahahahaha

havent managed to cough up chanlix angst with a happy ending from my mind in so long ... this is gonna take some work for me smh in shame. chan is so obtuse about his own feelings i wouldnt be surprised if he didnt even see the parallels between how he likes to talk about felix and then the way he writes about desire and connection. I am ALWAYS thinking about that live where felix sings. Chan praising him and he gets all pink and his eyes rim red and sparkley and he's so shocked and pleased that chan had tuned in at all and chan's voivce is so steady and "of course." and I can't help but think with this live in particular is how unextraordinary chan's praise is. i'm sure this has perhaps changed with time and maturity but his critiques and adjustments during recording sessions that we've been able to see the behind the scenes of are so precise, always sandwiched between a "that was good, but--" "great, can we try--" "almost! now can you--" so frequently referring to himself and the artist in the booth as a team, critique tacked on to the lighted praise. in that live with felix he keeps saying "that was good! some really good singing!" and felix keeping going "really? actually?" like he's waiting for chan to repeat himself and add on a "maybe you should try--" after every "great job." god they make my heart hurt. i feel liken the possibilities for what could have happened between them during that trip to australia are too great. i wouldn't even know where to begin.

it’s funny bc both chan and seungmin have this affectionately irritating habit and with chan i kind of interpret it as him like. kind of evading openly asking for affection in a way. like he can’t just ask for a cuddle or affectionate touch in an earnest way he always has to deliberately seek it out as a way of “annoying” the other members. lost to a fit of giggles as he wraps them up in his arms, appearing to enjoy the proximity all the more simply bc the other person is annoyed, actively rejecting it (though from what we’ve seen, Always in a joking way.) seungmin is also one to purposefully instigate but like you say he’s much more verbal in his jabs, and when he’s engaged with physically he doesn’t rlly fight it in any real way. in this way, i think seungmin is parallel to chan in that he wants the physical intimacy, but is also aware that the only way to make sure that chan Keeps Going is if he fights it. when he is physical with changbin he knows changbin will move to pin his hands behind his back, but chan is more likely to squirm away if seungmin instigates, bc he’s so conditioned to view physical proximity as smth done in jest/to annoy rather than promote intimacy, so seungmin has to provoke chan into crossing the physical boundary himself. i feel my brain kind of exploding as i type this bc i havent actually thought abt it that hard before but this is just what makes the most sense to me for them as characters/what i can read into re: their patterns of behaviour irl. i feel rather Crazy. i would also Love to see chan out seungmin through the mattress my only concern with seungchan that i experienced first hand when writing floodgates is that HOW DO I MAKE THEM MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. grrrrrr. tbh now that i think abt it for all that i havent written literally any seungchan other than floodgates that is sort of my thesis on them. seungmin wants chan’s approval even to his detriment. and chan just wants him to be happy.

I think the whole Deal with chanlix's closeness (or lack thereof) has to do with how hard and fast their relationship was at its inception compared to now. Of course, the context of when they first were put tgt was incredibly intense with a truly overwhelming amount of feelings involved, being a teenager far from home, pressure to lean on each other, more to do so in a way that's appealing for people to look at etc etc. Their bond is of the kind that happens when you find something that reminds you of everything you hold dear to such a specific degree, and there are all these other pressures going on, but there is this One person who understands you at a near-innate level. Literally wtf else do you do if not hold on Hard and Fast.

While I think their distancing over the years does have to do with a deliberate disconnect (one could say a sort of not-knowing or understanding the other person) I think a greater part of the issue is both cahn and felix beginning to see the reality of what the other is. "Oh, you’re not a talisman of my past OR a punching bag OR a lost little kitten I need to lead around—you actually have a lot of your own shit to sort out. And because I didn’t see that before, it feels like there’s this whole new person that I don’t know but thought I did, though I thought I understood you to the bone."

At the beginning of the chanlix 2025 2kr episode, Chan and Felix are prompted to say to what percentage they think they know each other. Both of them responded with 90% for what seem to be very distinct reasons that aren’t Necessarily at odds with each other, but still serve to exemplify their differing perspectives on their relationship and how they regard emotional intimacy in general—particularly in how they understand the scale of "knowing" another person.

Chan sees the remaining 10% that he doesn’t know about Felix as finer details of likes and dislikes—the little remaining time in their lives that they don’t spend together. He seems to conceptualize the gaps in their closeness as facts and data. Maybe he knows Felix’s deepest traumas, has seen him in vulnerable contexts and lived in close quarters, but can’t tell you what he’d order at Five Guys. I don't think that Chan is expressing that he’s disinterested in this information by any means; if anything, I think he views it as the extraneous fat of information that there is genuinely no room for in his head. Otherwise, if you ask Chan, he knows Felix wholly and completely.

Meanwhile... Felix doesn’t define what 10% he doesn’t know about Chan nearly as clearly. His answer is much more ambiguous as instead, he says that it would be difficult and goes even so far as to say Unrealistic to know someone 100% at all. His comment in particular reminds me of a quote from Michelle Zauner’s Crying in H Mart:

“Some of the earliest memories I can recall are of my mother instructing me to always ‘save ten percent of yourself.’ What she meant was that, no matter how much you thought you loved someone, or thought they loved you, you never gave all of yourself. Save 10 percent, always, so there was something to fall back on. ‘Even from Daddy, I save,’ she would add.”

I think Zauner and Felix might be aligned in their understanding of this ten percent. Perhaps it could be literal secrets and information, but it might also be desires, slivers of undiscovered personality—truths that are much more intangible than grocery lists of favourite flavours and colours.

I think there’s a lot of Felix (if not just essential bits) that Chan still hasn’t quite understood or clued into, but he might be reluctant to internalize that. Whereas Felix seems to have come to an understanding regarding the things about Chan that frustrate him, or at the very least prevent Chan from returning some of that understanding. This is also why i think Felix’s “cooler” treatment predates the Chanlix “divorce” the fandom has mythologized. In my deeply parasocial opinion, I think he definitely came to some conclusions about Chan and his relationship to him before Chan even knew there were conclusions to come to.

All this lengthy response recalling to a video that was released months ago and even longer before that to say: I don't know!

I don't know that they know what's going on with them. I think they see each other all the time but i don't know how much they're capital t Talking. i think sometimes the conditions allow for a small comment or a shared look, a small laugh under their breaths, but I don't know how far it carries. i don't know how well it photographs or looks on a camera monitor. I don't know if it's good content or if even through the snow filter it looks a little too raw. Whatever the case may be, I would not be surprised if they are finding it just as difficult to parse as we are. LOL!

lowk idk if i see them hooking up post break up as smth triggered intentionally so much as finding intimacy thrust upon them. close quarters, forced proximity. a hand on felix’s waist lingers not because it seeks to titillate deliberately, but because it forgot, if only for a moment, that it isn't meant to rest there anymore. and i think what might be hardest about it is felix should be mad about it, he Wants to be upset by it, wants chan to know to avoid it already, to flinch, to notice, but at the end of the day felix wants it to stay more than he wants chan to stay away. and it might be greedy and fucked up of him to corner him, to suddenly demand with words that are half made up of tongue and teeth that chan touch him, but chan’s hands feel better than the cold empty air that’s been filling felix’s lungs in his absence. there’s a sick sort of satisfaction that washes over him when chan’s breath trembles, and a warmth in his eyes that felix knows he should avoid but he doesnt know where else to anchor himself when chan first pushes inside. because it’s where he always goes, because that’s how chan taught him. because that’s the other thing; there’s comfort that’s habitual, and there’s comfort that was borne that way. you can grow big and shrink small and you’ll still have the same bones you had when you were first touched by someone you love—and felix has changed a lot. keeps growing out of styles and hobbies and social circles but he can’t grow out of the instinct to lick the salt from chan’s skin. to answer chan’s plea when he tells felix to tell him if he feels good. is this okay. do you like it. do you like how hyung touches you. do you love me. felix walks the familiar path, recites the well trod verse. he weeps and arches and whimpers and touches the scalding softness of chan’s ears and he nods. yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. even if it means he still won’t kiss chan goodbye. even if it means he’ll leave and they’ll be back to how it was before with the wide berths and side glances. even if he knows he might be doomed to do it over and over again he’ll try until it sticks.