lowk idk if i see them hooking up post break up as smth triggered intentionally so much as finding intimacy thrust upon them. close quarters, forced proximity. a hand on felix’s waist lingers not because it seeks to titillate deliberately, but because it forgot, if only for a moment, that it isn't meant to rest there anymore. and i think what might be hardest about it is felix should be mad about it, he Wants to be upset by it, wants chan to know to avoid it already, to flinch, to notice, but at the end of the day felix wants it to stay more than he wants chan to stay away. and it might be greedy and fucked up of him to corner him, to suddenly demand with words that are half made up of tongue and teeth that chan touch him, but chan’s hands feel better than the cold empty air that’s been filling felix’s lungs in his absence. there’s a sick sort of satisfaction that washes over him when chan’s breath trembles, and a warmth in his eyes that felix knows he should avoid but he doesnt know where else to anchor himself when chan first pushes inside. because it’s where he always goes, because that’s how chan taught him. because that’s the other thing; there’s comfort that’s habitual, and there’s comfort that was borne that way. you can grow big and shrink small and you’ll still have the same bones you had when you were first touched by someone you love—and felix has changed a lot. keeps growing out of styles and hobbies and social circles but he can’t grow out of the instinct to lick the salt from chan’s skin. to answer chan’s plea when he tells felix to tell him if he feels good. is this okay. do you like it. do you like how hyung touches you. do you love me. felix walks the familiar path, recites the well trod verse. he weeps and arches and whimpers and touches the scalding softness of chan’s ears and he nods. yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. even if it means he still won’t kiss chan goodbye. even if it means he’ll leave and they’ll be back to how it was before with the wide berths and side glances. even if he knows he might be doomed to do it over and over again he’ll try until it sticks.