havent managed to cough up chanlix angst with a happy ending from my mind in so long ... this is gonna take some work for me smh in shame. chan is so obtuse about his own feelings i wouldnt be surprised if he didnt even see the parallels between how he likes to talk about felix and then the way he writes about desire and connection. I am ALWAYS thinking about that live where felix sings. Chan praising him and he gets all pink and his eyes rim red and sparkley and he's so shocked and pleased that chan had tuned in at all and chan's voivce is so steady and "of course." and I can't help but think with this live in particular is how unextraordinary chan's praise is. i'm sure this has perhaps changed with time and maturity but his critiques and adjustments during recording sessions that we've been able to see the behind the scenes of are so precise, always sandwiched between a "that was good, but--" "great, can we try--" "almost! now can you--" so frequently referring to himself and the artist in the booth as a team, critique tacked on to the lighted praise. in that live with felix he keeps saying "that was good! some really good singing!" and felix keeping going "really? actually?" like he's waiting for chan to repeat himself and add on a "maybe you should try--" after every "great job." god they make my heart hurt. i feel liken the possibilities for what could have happened between them during that trip to australia are too great. i wouldn't even know where to begin.