It took me some time to respond to this because I had to think this through, even asking my closest friends about it. If I were asked this in person and I would have had to answer on the spot, I would say wanting to feel like you’ve helped or achieved something by helping other people might stem from the fact that all humans are wanting and needy beings, but regardless of that fact, what matters most is that a person is being helped regardless of what is unspoken within the person that is helping.

Taking into consideration the opinions and thoughts of my friends, though, I would say this: Being selfless means you do not expect for something in return. By the logic of how you formatted the premise of your question, you are implying that every action is selfish because every action fulfills a desire. If every action or motion to help is considered an act of selfishness, then the meaning of selfish loses all its meaning. If you define that word so broadly, it no longer distinguishes it from anything else, which is a spiral down into psychological egoism and cynicism. You cannot put every act of help into one category, because that is surface level thinking, and incredibly dangerous.

Perhaps the easiest way I can answer the last question though is that it can be distinguished as ‘kindness’ if a person does not make the act about himself, or, as I said, does not expect anything in return. Kindness is definitely subjective and nuanced.

I don’t think I am the best person to ask about these type of things, but I would say this: find the beauty in the little things. Find beauty in spending time with your friends. Find beauty in being able to eat and have a bed to sleep on. Find the beauty in knowing there are so many things that might be for you but you still haven’t discovered it yet. Find the beauty in the music you discover and listen to during your commutes. Find the beauty in how people love you, and how regardless of everything that you have gone through, cried about, and blamed yourself for, you are still here. Because if you continue to be hard on yourself and choose cynicism despite everything you have done to still be here, then you will never find happiness. Happiness is treating yourself with kindness, and allowing yourself more time. Happiness is choosing peace for yourself. Happiness is choosing yourself.