I don’t think I am the best person to ask about these type of things, but I would say this: find the beauty in the little things. Find beauty in spending time with your friends. Find beauty in being able to eat and have a bed to sleep on. Find the beauty in knowing there are so many things that might be for you but you still haven’t discovered it yet. Find the beauty in the music you discover and listen to during your commutes. Find the beauty in how people love you, and how regardless of everything that you have gone through, cried about, and blamed yourself for, you are still here. Because if you continue to be hard on yourself and choose cynicism despite everything you have done to still be here, then you will never find happiness. Happiness is treating yourself with kindness, and allowing yourself more time. Happiness is choosing peace for yourself. Happiness is choosing yourself.