It took me some time to respond to this because I had to think this through, even asking my closest friends about it. If I were asked this in person and I would have had to answer on the spot, I would say wanting to feel like you’ve helped or achieved something by helping other people might stem from the fact that all humans are wanting and needy beings, but regardless of that fact, what matters most is that a person is being helped regardless of what is unspoken within the person that is helping.

Taking into consideration the opinions and thoughts of my friends, though, I would say this: Being selfless means you do not expect for something in return. By the logic of how you formatted the premise of your question, you are implying that every action is selfish because every action fulfills a desire. If every action or motion to help is considered an act of selfishness, then the meaning of selfish loses all its meaning. If you define that word so broadly, it no longer distinguishes it from anything else, which is a spiral down into psychological egoism and cynicism. You cannot put every act of help into one category, because that is surface level thinking, and incredibly dangerous.

Perhaps the easiest way I can answer the last question though is that it can be distinguished as ‘kindness’ if a person does not make the act about himself, or, as I said, does not expect anything in return. Kindness is definitely subjective and nuanced.