love them but I'm also really, really picky. first, they can't be small. I hate those tiny ones that can go in ears and that look like they'd wiggle really uncomfortably on the skin. I want those things to be as thick as my forearm. I also want them to be slick but not slimy. they should glide naturally over skin and the pleasure from them should come from the insertion, the depth, and the stretch rather than any sort of friction. I just really don't want slime buildup

also, no suckers ever. I want a uniform texture across the entire length