tbh i was quite a late bloomer? i only realized and accepted my sexuality after graduated from uni. i’m being friends with mostly cishets so i was quite in the dark except for my bestfriend from junior high school. back in school he was quite like a … diva you know. the kind of twink that full of confident. actually no one believed he was straight bcs … its like a crystal clear 😭 back then we were so clooseee. he often visited my house. even after we went to different high school, he still visited to hang out (and our house were quite far tbh). although he was popular in his school—yes, he’s an extrovert diva, he still visited my school and even bcm friends with schoolmates. ppl used to say that “we were a thing” but i know it better, he’s like a brother to me. even after we went to uni—even though we attended different uni, somehow we moved to another town together. and we have this tradition to celebrate valentines’ day together hahaha. until the second year of uni i think? he came out to me. he was the first gay friend i have in my life. at first it was quite hard to grasp something that i used to saw on the TV or read from comic book …suddenly become so close… so real. it was hard for me to digest bcs i knew it well how he got bullied back in school or the way ppl called him names behind his back. i used to stand up for him with the mindset whatever the accusations, they weren’t true. until i realized, those names and mockery were true …

ngl i couldn’t sleep for days lol. after that i tried to learn more about lgbt & queer. i wanted to have better understandings of my bestfriend. until one day i fell in love with a girl. it was … weird at first. bcs through my entire life, ppl told me that we can only be friends with girls. tbh before this girl, i also hve few girls crushes—there are ones whom i acted on it while only admiring the others. but my first wlw crush hit so hard. the feelings lasted for years. i knew it was romantic feelings bcs i felt the same things i feel toward my boy crush (i’m a bi btw). at that time i need to do things to assure whatever i feel was more than platonic. when i was sure of my feelings … i confessed and the rejection was so TRAGIC??? i cried for a month. lmao. i never cried that hard for man 😪 i think that was the point i accepted my sexuality. after that i occasionally have relationship (or situationship) between male & female back to back lmao im sorry being a bi is confusing sometimes. for me, personally, i never plan or seek for love nor partner. i’ll fall when i fell. i’ll catch feelings to whomever i had best chemistry and nice conversation. when i hvent found that person, then i’m going solo (like now). tbh being an adult like me … i dont think i cant handle relationship well. for me 24 hours for a day felt less, i need more hahaha. my energy alr gone after went to work. during weekends i usually meet my friends or hibernate & do my hobbies. so, for now … being alone is enjoyable but ofc deep down i want to have a partner whom i can rely and share memories together. i think in conclusion … the only way to know sometimes by jump into it. let yourself feel it, experience, explore your own feelings—that way you’ll know yourself better. hope that helps (i guess!)