this is such a philosophical question oh gosh... i had to think about this for a while when i was studying on how i wanted to answer. i'm struggling to answer this question because i'm not sure how often i really do feel free. i'm quite an ambitious person so i have my foot in a lot of doors and struggled with that guilt of not doing enough in the past, even if i was so spread thin. as i've grown up and developed more responsibilities and chosen such a career that demands so much from my early years, i think my self-awareness gets in the way of me feeling free. i'm too painfully aware of all that i have to do and complete in order to get to where i want to be that sometimes i feel as though i am a cog in the machine and i belong to an obligation beyond myself—like being a good daughter, navigating the competitive californian med school climate while being first-gen, and also wanting to pursue creative side hobbies to keep my humanity/sense of self alive. i had a thought while i was at work (i work at an npo with kids) and i observe them possess so much childlike freeness (rightfully so, they're like 8 LOL) and be so bright-eyed everytime they walk in even though they may be dealing with so much at home. i bring this up because i recently told my friends about how i can't see myself not working with kids in the future hence why i want to pursue pediatrics (and perhaps specialize further in psychiatry or something) but i feel free when i work with them because i enjoy it so much even if i do go home with a heavy heart sometimes from the things they confide in me that eventually overflow from their backgrunds. i never really believed in the "enjoy what you do and you'll never work a day in your life" because to me, everything is going to feel like a job at the end of the day. of course, being a doctor is so #healing and it's so fulfilling, but there will be bad days and times where it'll push you to the max. but i think that with kids, i'll be able to understand that phrase more and that's when i do feel free and excited for the person i'll grow into! in more simpler terms though, i feel free when i get to reclaim some time as my own. i'm not forced to be at that npo and i'm not currently getting paid as a volunteer intern, so all the time i spend there is because i choose to be there and prioritize it. i also feel free when i get a day to myself—when i get to cook and make my own meals, explore the city that i'm in for university, and see my friends and pretend that we have all the time in the world even if obligations are constantly knocking on our doors.