hi hi jagiya <3 ah, that's a tough one. I hate to hear you've been dealing with these feelings.

The first thing I'll say is that I think "good" is subjective. In many things, but especially with creative works of any kind. What you may view as good is very likely different from what someone else views as good. Now, that's not at all to discredit your feelings about your own writing because at the end of the day what's most important is that you're enjoying it and feel positively about it. From your message, it sounds like you're not. :(

One thing I'd maybe suggest is questioning the reasons why you're writing. What are your intentions? What goals do you have? For me, I write for fun. I also write because I enjoy the process. I love being creative and coming up with stories and including little things that feel personal. It's also a means to explore certain emotions and concepts. To consider things I haven't before or explore worlds and situations that are foreign to me. For me, so much of the enjoyment of it actually happens before the work is even seen by anyone but myself.

As for goals, a lot of it is internal. I hope to find some sort of fulfillment from completing a story that I crafted entirely myself. Something unique that didn't previously exist until it spawned from my brain. That's something that is so uniquely satisfying. To create something out of nothing but your own mind. I genuinely adore it. Another goal is to reach people in some way. For me, the point of posting my works is so that others can find them and connect with them on some level. Whether it just be that it makes them smile for just that moment, or whether it touches them on a deeper level, that's all I really want. But even more, I love the connection it can bring. I have met so many people just by posting my writing or even just talking about writing. It's something I find is really fun to enjoy with others. It brings people together who may have similar feelings or circumstances or who simply just want to enjoy their hobbies with others. So, that is another goal of mine when it comes to my writing. Self expression and connection with others.

On the topic of quality...it is so much easier to be critical of your own work than it is to be critical about someone else's. Truthfully, I think this is so common amongst writers and creators in general. I don't dislike my writing. I quite like a lot of what I've written. But, I very often do get in mindsets where I believe my writing is not very good. Overall, I don't believe it's any better or even on par with the writing of my favorite authors. Some people who love my writing may think I'm ridiculous for thinking that way haha but it's true! I often get very down on myself and think that my writing is not good enough and it will keep me from writing for a little while until I can stop hating everything I put down on the page. Put after writing and posting fanfiction for 5 years (wow lol) I have learned that this too is just part of my process.

Creating something and sharing it with the world makes us vulnerable. I know for me that vulnerability leads me to being overly critical of myself and anything I create. I hope this comes across more as encouraging than dismissive, because I do also think we are always improving as writers. I don't think there's a single person out there that couldn't continue to build their skills and get better in some way. But, I know even without reading your works that there is quality and substance to it. Because your efforts don't just go nowhere. You are spending your time, effort, and care creating something. That in itself is what makes it "good" in my honest opinion. Maybe there are things you'd like to be better at. Wording, sentence structure, story telling, world building, etc. And you can continue to work on these technical elements. But for me, focusing on the heart of the work is what really made me start to see the quality of my writing for more than just the words on the page. It's also about the message being told and the effort that went into that. It's about the intentions, the goals, the people it reaches, the impression it leaves on both the reader and the author. I promise you...there are people out there who read your works and cherish them. You may think there aren't, but there always are. Every work is for someone. I wholeheartedly believe that.

So on that note, you didn't really mention whether you socialize much with other authors, but that would be my number one suggestion on how to "get better" at writing. I learn so much from my friends and writing peers. Through things like beta reading/editing their works, to having them do the same for my works, to discussing plot and characterizations together, it really has given my stories the life they have today. I learn new styles, approaches, words LOL to add into my stories and I also become more confident in my skills. Finding people who are willing to converse with you in a mutually constructive way about your writing is genuinely such an important tool. They can offer reassurance that perhaps something you don't feel very good about or cringe when you go back to read it is actually good, and perhaps even help you discuss the reasons why. They could also help you tweak something you don't like until it is something you're happier with! It is all around just a very beneficial arrangement that I'm sure even professional writers engage in. No one gets it right on the first try, even some of the best writers out there.

Something else I try to do actively as far as writing goes is Turn. Off. My. Fucking. Brain. LOL. I overthink every word. It's very easy for me to do because I have this desire to make it perfect. But I find when I just forcefully shut down that desire and write anything that comes to mind even if it seems stupid, I end up coming up with the BEST lines in the entire damn story haha. I'm not sure if this makes sense to anyone but me, but I have found that it works lol.

I won't lecture you about patience, because you did mention you've been at this for a while. But for anyone else reading this, remember that it takes time to hone your skills. You can be doing so many things to improve. Writing constantly, reading, taking classes, etc. But it really does take time to get better. At anything, really. And what you do with that time is also important. Like, quality is more important than quantity, ya know? If you're doing the same things over and over, simply writing a lot isn't necessarily going to make you improve. For me, I tend to get in these lulls where I will get stuck in a certain style of writing and do it almost on autopilot and just feel like...bored with everything I put down. Because it starts to feel like it has no real substance. No heart behind it. It's just that: words. When that happens I try to switch my style up a little. Do something different. Like with my October drabbles I tried a bit of a style that was more vague. Used a lot more imagery to attempt to get my point across without actually saying things blatantly. So, yeah. My point here is that it's important to always keep trying new things! New challenges, even. Like, one thing I have done with friends in the past is write a 1-hour fic. You set a timer for an hour and write a story that you intend to post when the hour is over. It's a fun way to push yourself and to also practice just letting go and writing. Not over thinking things so much and maybe even by the end of it having something that is totally different than what you may normally write if you put more thought into it. More time to over think and micromanage your words. Is this making sense? haha.

Last thing I'll say (I promise lol). But I would even suggest daily writing studies. You know how artists swear by drawing something ever day? I think this applies to writing. You can find writing prompt lists online, and I'd suggest even doing some that are very simple. Like one word prompts. Things that don't necessarily inspire you to write a whole elaborate story lol but that you can maybe write 50-100 words about. Try to do so without critiquing yourself too harshly. Don't think about it too hard. It's about exercising your brain and your skills. Just seeing what comes out. Keeping yourself in that mindset of creativity and further honing how to use it. I think it builds confidence too. The more you do something the better you feel about it. These are also low risk, because they're not supposed to be perfect or even that good. You never have to post them publicly. If you look back on them and hate them, that's okay. They were practice anyways. They're not a reflection of your true skills, just a stepping stone.

Anyways, I hope this was helpful in some way. Please know that I am rooting for you so so hard. I hope that you never give up doing the thing that you love, and I truly do wish you the best in your journey to loving your writing. Because I think you deserve to. <3