Pretty flower · 1mo
Hello fran! This is your longtime fan from Indonesia again. ❤️
I am sorry for the disturbance, but im afraid i need to borrow a bit of your time as i will confide in you, because i dont know where to put these thoughts. I believe you could turn them into beautiful pieces regardless of the connotations, i believe your mind and hands are always capable of making masterpieces.
I am currently going through something devastating from something that is oh so gentle— love. I can't believe how powerful and how dangerous it is to love someone, it's like giving them an access to the button that destroys your vwry existence, but they dont push it simply because they care for you. It can be very kind but also very cruel, and i wonder, will i ever heal from this?
Every night when the empty space is filled with my thoughts, it feels like my heart is crawling up my throat and my ribs are closing in on itself— my hands felt so weak, unable to stop what is inevitable and my mind couldn't help but blame itself for its incapability. I never knew what to do when my heart moves on its own and how my whole being becomes enslaved to it right after— i never knew what to do when the suffocating began cornering me and laying it's hands on my throat. It's all so cruel.
I never knew what to do when a person so gentle and caring leaves me with nothing but the prettiest and kindest memories.
They always seem to hurt more... Linger more until it inevitably leaves marks all over my being. I never knew what to do when it all comes back to me with breakups. I never knew what to do with the remaining love contained within my heart that seems like it never empties itself long after they're gone.
My heart continuously bleeds for them and trying to claw itself out of my chest, just for the chance to see them again, and i am helpless to stop it. Tell me fran, what do you do in situations like this? I have accepted the fact that my heart knows who it belongs to long after they're gone, but i cannot bear the ache and pain that ebbs every night.
Im afraid their presence have bled into all of the works i created, and i am utterly defeated... it's not long before they consume me, even after being long gone.
We don’t have the power to stop our hearts from falling but we can choose what to do with the pieces. I think it’s human to want to leave the mess to deal with later, to walk around it and postpone the cleanup because it was beautiful when it was whole and you can’t bear to throw it away.
But at some point we have to. Because it isn’t fair to us.
You can keep the memories of something that was precious even if it hurt you, as long as you don’t allow it to keep making you bleed.
I know it’s easier said than done but my advice is to not let the pain become the thing you admire. We are not meant to hurt, though is it inevitable at times.
Keep hold of what was good and discard the rest. Don’t let it keep you hostage.
Be well, love 🤍
