i’ve wanted him the whole time and lowkey i think it would be weirder of me to pretend i have some big moral objection to wanting him now than it would be if i came out in a few years time and was all of a sudden really horny and weird about him. he’s hot. he’s objectively attractive and i have eyeballs. i’ve felt this way since the first time i laid eyes on him. he was grown in a lab specifically engineered to be my exact type and then they threw him in a bighit group. what else am i supposed to do about that other than be really weird and strange about him. he’s an autistic 6’4 wasian with a big dick and emotional problems and i want him carnally.

i wish i had a secret to give to you dear anon, i’m afraid it’s mostly just making observations and finding patterns in behavior and interactions. i think the important thing with having strong characterization in your writing is just trusting your readers. you don’t need to spoon feed every single detail you’re trying to get across in explicit detail. sometimes the best way to build a full and realistic character is to let certain things be assumed instead of stated directly. it’s also just based on vibes more than anything else. i have full confidence in the things i say and write about no matter how delusional or detached from reality they are and i think that comes across in my writing. trust yourself, trust your writer, pick an assumption and just run with it until it feels correct to you.

mmmm martin who came in to check on keonho because he wasn’t feeling well and martin is so concerned for him. and unfortunately martin has so many of his wires crossed and even when he’s trying to take care of keonho he still kind of ends up taking advantage of him. martin who just wanted to help keonho sleep and you know what normally knocks keonho right out? getting the daylights fucked out of him. but martin has Some better sense to him he’s not cruel. so he just fucked keonho with his fingers until keonho couldn’t take it anymore. and then undetailed because it didn’t fit anywhere in the prose but he definitely stuck his cock in that sickly baby’s mouth. maybe i should write a part 2. maybe i should.

please get into cye please please please please please. what’s really funny is i feel like a year into stanning them now ive developed Such a nuanced opinion on him that its really hard for me to interact with other cye fans that dont rps like i do. i actually think its really important that we acknowledge his strange relationships with his teenage coworkers before we address anything else about him as a person. there’s just fantastic yaoi happening there that like nobody except me and a handful of my friends gaf about. thank u for ur kind words… i promise i’m not scary if you ever wanna chat my dms are always open. i spend a lot of time armchair psychoanalyzing idols and then all i do is write weird porn about it. it’s my favorite hobby really.

with bared teeth mention. oof. i’m sorry for what i did to you. i really do swear up and down i have plans for rereleasing that fic once i actually figure out how to say what i want to say with it. soulseob c4t straight sex is jongseob gender affirming forcefem and haku shota who Knows that jongseob is trans and refuses to engage with jongseob’s self deprecating detrans bullshit. it’s always kind of been a direct sequel to acedia in my mind. jongseob’s self image is so warped and distorted in that fic that i think anyone who’s going to engage with him earnestly about his gender identity has to do it through the lense of not letting him deny or deflect. i’ve had visions of shota catching him in the act in some way, a moment where jongseob is vulnerable in private and trying to express some sort of femininity, and refusing to let jongseob just brush it off. shota’s worked really hard over the course of their relationship to be the person who knows jongseob best, and it’s kind of insulting to him that jongseob thinks he can play the same deflection game with him that he does with everyone else (especially keeho). i’ve said it a couple times but if jongseob wants to be a girl so bad then the least shota could do is fuck him like one.

i just think if anything bad happens to seonghyeon the primary candidate for inflicting it is james. also martin but to a way lesser degree mostly because the bad things that happen to seonghyeon by proxy of martin are bad things that happen to martin that seonghyeon has to carry the emotional burden of. i think james has some sadistic tendencies and seonghyeon has kind of gotten to a point where he would do anything for james. and james also would do anything for seonghyeon including hurt seonghyeon in the ways he desires to be hurt. james is insane and has anger issues canonically and i think having a sweet perfect little girlfriend that he can abuse is james’ birthright. he’s owed that by the universe for everything he’s been through. there will also come a time when the tables are turned on him but i’m getting ahead of myself. we’re at least two years from that starting to manifest in their dynamic as seonghyeon becomes more comfortable and develops more of a unique sense of identity and wants and wills in the world and realizes that james is kind of a bottom in denial.

hmmm okay so this is entirely dependent for me. in practice most often it’s jamestin because i think james has kind of an unchecked ego lately and i think especially in his relationship with martin he seems to really enjoy having the metaphorical upper hand. he also can’t really seem to let martin take care of him despite how much martin is functionally begging to. i don’t think james would see himself bottoming for martin in most circumstances because it requires a certain level of vulnerability and trust that i don’t think currently extends both ways in their dynamic. i think james is a lot more willing to let martin do the emotional work and put himself in a vulnerable position in order to make himself feel more comfortable, and i think martin often finds himself desiring james in the way that james wants to be desired, as masculine and strong and commandeering. he doesn’t want to be wanted as someone who needs to be doted on or taken care of despite it being his most natural inclination in this world. james doesn’t always enjoy playing hyung but he certainly likes it more than when martin plays leader with him. i say all that though and right now i am writing marjames, but it’s dubcon alla most things i write and this time around it’s james who’s extremely dubiously consenting. alternate universe where martin is ego and is willing to take advantage of james. except it’s not that alternate and im finding more and more that martin also seems to be developing a bit of a complex about his role in the group specifically in relation to james.