Not the best.. lately I've been gaining a lot of weight because my habits have been bad...

So, an average day:
- Go to work
- Drink a chocolate or vanilla Core Power 42g protein shake or only eat about 500 calories in chocolate at work (or more if I'm depressed). I try to take my vitamins at work if I remember but often I forget.
- Go home and drink an Olipop Root Beer (the 9g of fiber one) and eat a fuji apple dipped in Skippy peanut butter (usually 96g of peanut butter these days)

On my days off:
- Apple with peanut butter
- Protein shake and Olipop
- A frozen cauliflower vegetable pizza, or another apple with peanut butter if I'm lazy/depressed (or even just some chocolate pieces I have laying around at home instead)

Honestly, I feel like my diet hasn't improved at all.. I stopped seeing my nutritionist because for the past half year every visit was like "I can't help you, you gotta see an eating disorder therapist" and then me never finding an eating disorder therapist because I don't think it'll be worth it/my insurance won't cover two therapists.

Food tastes disgusting to me unless it's peanut butter or chocolate, and being around those because of work just reminds me of how much I hate real food.. I tried dieting last week but already relapsed this week because of all the call-ins to work I'm getting and how depressed I've been.

I keep going through stuff like Cronometer trying to make an optimal diet. I feel like this is the most optimal diet I can make:
- Apple with PB (32-48g of PB, not 96g..)
- Protein Shake/Olipop
- Another berry/vegetable shake like Naked Berry or something
- Oikos Pro 20g Protein mixed berry yogurt
- Frozen pizza

I don't know how else I can improve it. I hate food so much and anything I buy to try I just let rot in my fridge. I can't eat things like apples without peanut butter to mask it. Stuff like doing dishes drains me and I try using as few dishes as possible, and skip meals because I don't want to do the prep needed for them. I stopped eating pasta because it's too much effort to make.

I really really hate food.. I've gained 50lbs over around three years at my current job because of my lack of self control. I don't know how to deal with it. My food stamps don't even cover everything I listed each month and I've been going into a balance leftover on my EBT card from covid until it's empty. I wonder if going out to eat would help, but that sounds so expensive and I hate wasting food like that.

All this plus I have EoE now, meaning I have a food allergy to something doctors and I aren't fully positive over. Wheat is a definite trigger, but so is fast food and diner food of every kind I've realized. I don't know if it's cross contamination or if I'm allergic to oils in it or what, but a steak triggers it. French fries trigger it. Soda triggers it. Etc, etc. I used to survive off Soylent drinks, but they trigger it as well and make me feel sick anymore.

I just want an IV attached to me with all the nutrition I need. I can't stand gaining so much weight and having to eat every day...