Nyan fears.. let's see... off the top of my head, bees/wasps, falling, cars, and loud noises~

• Bees/Wasps. The ultimate nyan phobia, which is a shame, because from a distance I can respect them... but in person, they absolutely terrify me... I got stung once when I was like four years old and it traumatized me, and my mother also helped instill fear in me because she was allergic to them and had us avoid them at all costs. Now just the sight of them sends me into a huge panic, and if they fly near me I genuinely panic and flinch hardcore- buzzing/flying insects in general make me do that, but bees/wasps especially... like genuine primal fear whenever I'm near one. Fictional ones are fine, but when I'm physically exposed.. it's over...

• Falling/heights... nyans are very sensitive to heights and falling sensations. They keep their eyes closed on things like rollercoasters at all times, they can't look directly up at the sky without feeling dread and fear, same with looking out windows of tall buildings.. as people probably know from certain video games (Sonic Heroes), losing control and falling even in fiction is enough to really scare the nyan.. They used to get vertigo very easily too and always felt dizzy and fell out of bed a lot in middle school (heck they still do as an adult whenever they use an elevator, which happens often in their apartment). They also almost fell off a hospital(?) rooftop when watching fireworks with their family for 4th of July as a kid, there wasn't a supportive guard rail and they slipped and they weren't fully sure what happened in that instant but their life flashed before their eyes and their hoodie fell off them onto the ground and a nice person on the ground grabbed it and brought it back up for them.

• Cars, nyans are terrified of driving and being in and around cars, specifically fast ones... They've gotten used to it by driving to work all the time, but highways are still extremely anxiety-inducing as are reckless drivers. Cars are scary and expensive and dangerous and fast... Fun fact, in second grade, while crossing the street with their family leaving CCD, a speeding car nearly hit them~ A nun yoinked them back by the collar of their shirt and their shoe grazed the car enough to take it off if I remember right and saved their life...

• Loud noises~ Sudden ones like glass breaking or something dropping are the worst, but even stuff like vacuums are scary and irritating... maybe not a fear so much as a "pain"? But they aren't a fan of things like jumpscares. Yelling/anger however does genuinely scare the nyans- things like stomping or yelling really trigger panic attack feelings in the nyan and make them cry, even if it's not directed at them...

• I guess it's worth noting, they have a strong phobia of sexual things... I'm not sure if it's fear or disgust or what, but as a kid, they used to get viruses ruining their computer full of porn pop-ups, plus with their sheltered upbringing by a traumatized parent, they basically associated nudity and porn with bad and evil things. So any explicit material involving body parts down there (of either sex) really freaks them out and sends them into a panic attack.. I think they've gotten better in recent days at least, but it's hard to say they're at the level where they "tolerate" it...

• Also when they were younger they had a severe paranoia about being watched, they hated making eye contact and felt burning pins and needles in their back whenever they felt like they were being watched... They were always terrified of being seen and perceived... they've gotten better at that though

And thank you~ I'm glad people like seeing the nyan uploads... a lot of positive reception to them which was nice, I was afraid I'd be annoying if anything, aha

(also I notice I still go back and forth between answering for myself and answering for the nyan the character when typing aha.. the power of "I" vs "they"...)

I my me mine, I my me mine, I my me mine, I my me~
(Whatever people feel like calling me~)

I don't know if this is considered controversial or not so I apologize if it is.. but I never really considered pronouns to be something "I" (hoho) define, y'know, they're like... closer to adjectives if anything. I refer to myself as I/me (or "you" when my self-negative thoughts speak to me), and other people can refer to me as to what they interpret me to be- he/she/they/etc are in the eye of others to determine, I feel. If I wanted to be called one more often, it's up to me to give that impression off to people I suppose (though I know there's complications with that, like previous history, unchangeable features, etc that might complicate it for some people to be called what they want to be called- I don't have any preference personally, but I know there are people who do have preferences)

I'll still be polite and call people what they want to be called of course, but personally speaking, I do think it's a silly thing to worry about.. it's kind of like asking someone to call you "cute" or "cool" or "beautiful" or "short" or whatever else in my opinion, people have their own lives and perspective on things like their own definition of what is "cool", what is "masculine/feminine", etc etc, which varies from person to person, and people will formulate an image in their head of you based on their own perceptions regardless. Like, sure, there's conventionally "cool" stuff, conventionally "hype" stuff, conventionally "girly" stuff, etc etc, but just because there's a common perception doesn't mean that's everyone's perception. Personally I'd rather just hear what other people think of me than have them repeat to me back what I want to be called~ I find it really interesting to see how people perceive me.

Gender is an interesting topic but ultimately it's just a set of stereotypes an individual holds about the societal differences between sexes.. people are free to explore and define themselves however they wish via using them or not or whatever makes them comfortable~ For me, those kinds of stereotypes are silly to worry about so I don't really care about it much myself.

And as for my nyan characters, I make sure not to define them~ It's not an important aspect of their characters to me so I don't really think about it, so if people feel they're more relatable as a boy or as a girl or as some sexless Barbie-doll-like creature, that's up to them to decide~ I just draw what aesthetics I personally like and I have zero interest in their genitalia so most of my characters are just drawn with flat chests and rounded out bottoms (I call it a "bean body type") and if they were naked they wouldn't have anything visible down there probably (no I don't know how they use the restroom just pretend they're like those dolls that pee when you squeeze them or whatever)

I will also note, I like androgynous characters, I like crossdressing characters, I like traps/reverse traps, etc~ A personal preference I have is for boys who can transform the rigid canvas that is their body into something conventionally feminine and beautiful/cute/etc.. it's something I find really admirable, being able to be that comfortable and confident in what you look like and how you want to look, and having that look be something so aesthetically pleasing despite being a taller hill to climb against your genetics and whatnot... I have a deep respect and admiration for crossdressers who can really pull it off, moreso for those that are openly male wearing traditionally female attire or aesthetics (fiction of course makes it a non-issue because art can be literally anything, but still, I do like pretty anime boys who are confident in dressing how they like and liking beautiful or cute things or whatever, just look at my list of anime husbandos~)

(again gomen if any of that's weird to say but those are just my personal thoughts on the topic~ as always if you feel like deciding what to call me is too much pressure or whatever just use they or some other generic term of your choice to describe me)

Let's see.. as a kid, I didn't really have any ability to choose what I wore- I remember wearing jeans or overalls a lot as a kid and sort of being mesmerized by water physics of the spot where I wet myself and watched as it dried, I remember. After getting uniforms in third grade onwards, my only bottoms were either navy or khaki pants, and I didn't have much in the way of casual clothes besides whatever worn out hand-me-downs my parents gave me as pajamas- I always wanted to wear navy to help hide it, but I didn't have a choice.

I remember in middle school, accidents would usually happen either in gym class (usually black track pants where I could change clothes in the locker room after gym), or during/after lunch, so I'd usually move really slowly and try to be the last of the class to leave (stairwells were the scariest thing, because people would be at eye level with my pants). I'd try to sort of crab walk against the wall and keep my back to the wall, and I'd always hold my stack of books in front of my groin no matter what until I sat in a seat. I'd try leaking a little bit at a time in hopes of it keeping a small spot over and over, but usually that didn't work as intended.

When out shopping, I remember I'd just stick in the toy aisle or wherever in a store and sit curled up on the floor until my mother was done shopping, then I'd just try to stay close to her and hide in her shadow. At home, I'd always be wrapped up in a blanket when going anywhere, mainly to hide the fact that I usually had an accident at some point during the day/night.

As an adult my work clothes are black and I wear an apron so that's convenient for leaks, otherwise I like wearing tunics/long tops or dresses when I can.

I don't really see much weird with that, but maybe I'm biased (well, other than her methods being extreme of course). We're her kids, she could see us naked, because that's normal, she raised us. But us kids weren't allowed to see other people naked- my father did take baths with us occasionally (which was always a very very uncomfortable experience), but we were also taught never to turn around or look at each other's private places as well. We were just completely coddled and dependent on her, because I think she wanted someone to really love her and "need" her.

I remember in my late teens/20s, after being shamed by other family members when they saw my mother cutting my toenails, I decided to do and cut my nails on my own from then on (I knew how to but she often volunteered anyway and I let her), she was really hurt that she couldn't cut my toenails anymore and felt useless and unneeded and got really depressed over it. She definitely had a complex about needing to be "needed"..

My mother was kind and well meaning but she was a wallflower with a lot of mental issues.. I did love her though but yeah...

So, nyan family history time because I like to ramble~
Father- Physically and verbally abusive heavy alcoholic. Notable incidents include but not limited to: drunkenly cutting my chest with a knife when I was like 4, spanking regularly both with hand and belt (until I told my teacher in second grade he hits me with a belt, after that he stopped belting and leaving visible marks on me and I was upset because I wanted proof to show people what he did...), calling me slurs more than my real name, threatening to kill us all regularly, beating my mother regularly (even bending her leg backwards requiring three knee surgeries that never fully fixed it), threatening to shoot me with a shotgun in my sleep and randomly waking me up to kick me out of the house in a drunken rage, trying to sell our favorite things in drunken yard sales and throwing all our possessions in the yard, tearing up all our family photos, the aforementioned threatening to mutilate me for wetting myself.. one silly story I remember is having a PS1 for my 8th birthday my uncle got me, and we had an Atari collection game on it.. He'd always insult us by getting a better score than us in the games while we were at school, but one game I got a high score he couldn't beat, so he threw the PS1, game, and memory card away in anger (my mother saw and fished it out of the garbage and told us later what he did and why he did it). But then he died of like his fourth or fifth heart attack when I went to college and he tried making amends by buying me my current art tablet for my birthday shortly before that, and then he left me in what became $110K debt because of how much he refinanced our ~$30K house before he died (my parents never married and so I was next of kin and inherited it, eventually I transferred ownership to my mother, but my sister got involved and took over instead.. but my name luckily wasn't involved at that point so I'm debt free now since everyone died~)

My sister meanwhile... total psychopath. She was a year younger than me, and she was a lot more social than I was, but she was the most manipulative person I've known... She learned early on that if say our parents didn't know who started the fight, we'd both get in trouble, so she'd often bring me down with her in any fights or anything else that got us in trouble (not that I was a perfect child, but my sister really had a finesse about how she did it..) She started smoking and drinking in her tweens, and then by 16 she was a heroin addict, and she was scary.. she'd take after my father a lot and constantly have screaming matches with him, instead of de-escalating, and usually my mother and I would suffer the consequences.. She was a shoplifting addict and also stole a lot of money and stuff from us, including my laptop several times (my mother always managed to pull strings to get it back somehow), my Game Boy and games for it, my mother's purse and money (eventually even getting my mother's social security card and birth certificate thrown overboard on a cruise somehow after getting in a fight with someone and having them on her for some reason), she was violent and we'd get into biting and scratching fights a lot as kids, then she'd do stuff like smash laundry baskets or video game controllers onto my head.. she had my father's habit of calling me slurs as well. She'd try to get along randomly, and after denying her, she became bitter and vicious- she definitely had some kind of bipolar disorder, and she knew how to do crocodile tears perfectly.. she manipulated my mother very easily and was a strong liar. She also lied about me constantly to other people to try to ruin my reputation, stuff like I would abuse my mother or whatnot (stuff she often did), to the point my mother's friends would call me telling me "yeah your sister is going around the neighborhood saying you did x, which I know you didn't, but I thought you should know". Definitely did not help my anxiety at all... later in life she became more dangerous, sleeping with dangerous guys all the time who'd then want to kill her and come to our house with guns and we'd hide until they left, or they'd dump garbage in our pool or scratch our car/slash our tires, etc... She had a lot of enemies... I remember I'd start recording her just for evidence at one point, one of which was her in one of her meltdowns trying to stab me with her used heroin needle (she had hepatitis and who knows what else so that was scary), she'd break the locks I'd install on my bedroom door and steal stuff, she even threw my frail crippled mother down the stairs once and punched her in the face the day she was getting a cast for a broken neck taken off... sorry I'm just trauma dumping at this point but basically she overdosed in 2020 and it was one of the best days of my life. I try not to hate people or wish death on anyone... but my sister and my father, they were the two people I hated the most, and while even I don't think they deserved death, their deaths really made my life so much more relaxed...

... anyway so my mother right

So she was kind and loving, but she had issues like I said. She was sickly and had a lot of breathing issues from her smoking addiction, which she stopped when I was 10, but then still suffered long term consequences. She could barely walk thanks to my father's abuse, and she even broke her neck later in life tripping on a cat and falling down the stairs.. She cheated on my father with some guy for years, but she'd never leave my father or take us out of that house, and I did hold resentment towards her for it admittedly.. She's also one of the reasons I'm deeply avoidant of sexual things, she drilled it into us how sex and nudity is bad and stuff like that. I remember as a child walking in on her getting dressed, and she screamed so loud and smacked me so hard I went flying. I found out towards her last years that she was violently raped when she was 17 (in front of where I worked at the time, which felt awkward to learn..), had a daughter before me, and had to give her up. I never met her or learned her name, but she refused contact from my mother until those last few years apparently, so a lot of her quirks suddenly made sense after that once I realized how traumatized that left her. She was also mentally ill in general- she was on 21 different medications by the time she passed, and many of them were different antidepressants. She tried overdosing two or three times in my life, usually from her boyfriend cheating on her (as she was cheating on my father, curiously enough), and I had to stay up all night with her and take care of her because she regretted doing it and begged me to save her, but refused to go to the hospital.. Eventually she broke her neck which almost paralyzed her from the neck down like I said, and after that she became riddled with dementia, eventually passing away from complications due to alzheimers and after completely stopping taking care of herself after my sister overdosed.

So anyway uh to answer the original question whoops

So, my mother was helpful and supportive- she got depressed easily, she worked night shift and slept most of the time, so my only time with her was days off- I also learned to be very quiet in general so I'd never disturb her sleep. We shared a bed, which was the living room couch- I'd take it at night and she'd take it during the day, so I have a feeling she knew I was a bedwetter, but she never said anything about it. I always flipped the couch cushions and tried to seem like a good kid by putting away my blankets every morning myself. I'd hide my soiled underwear under random furniture and re-wear and re-soil over and over again until it'd get maggots in it, where I'd then try to hide it in the bottom of a laundry basket if I was aware she was doing laundry soon. She only confronted me once about it in middle school, I remember being on the stairs and her asking if I had an accident, I muttered yes, she asked if I wanted to talk about it, I said no, and she never asked about it again. I assumed she knew, but she never told me otherwise. I kept it a secret from my father and sister, and I'm pretty sure they didn't know, or they'd bully me relentlessly over it and tell everyone in my school and anyone I knew about it (any time I had guests my father would try to tell them things to make me look bad out of spite).

I was very attached to her, and she did everything for me.. tie my shoes, bathe me until late high school, etc, she even wiped my sister and I every time we used the restroom until I was in middle school and my sister was in high school. She helped me a lot with accidents when I was in elementary, and she didn't say much about those times either- she'd almost feign "why did you do this?" but never really did much else and left the topic alone. I think she wanted my sister and I to depend on her a lot and enabled us so that we would. I couldn't even speak to anyone but her and I'd have her do most of the talking for anything. I remember when I got caught cutting myself at school, and she asked me, and I said it was the cat, and so she said it was the cat, and she left it at that, for better or worse. Any time I threatened to kill myself or hurt myself, she'd always respond "why are you doing this to me, why do you hate me", and similar things.. Any time I swore, she also hated it, despite my father swearing like a sailor all the time. Any time I did, she'd force me to eat left over chips of soap in the bathroom- a little smaller than a potato chip, she'd cover my mouth until I'd swallow it any time I swore until like high school. She'd spank me too as a little kid, but the kind of "hard enough to say you did wrong but not meant to actually hurt" kind of spanking.

Basically, she was kind and supportive, but she was also an enabler, and her big issue is that she wanted to be "friends" and not a parent. She'd never punish us, she'd never force us to eat anything we said no to, etc, because she didn't want us to hate her. She'd tell me in private that I was the favorite, but then once I heard her tell my sister in private that she was the favorite, which you know, isn't healthy for kids. She'd bend over backwards for my sister, giving her money and bailing her out constantly- money that I was giving her from my job to keep us from being homeless, which really irked me. Her friends would also come to her for money often, and she'd give it, even if she didn't have any to give, because she was so desperate for people to like her. I remember one thing I feel guilty over- my mother always wanted to be a mom, and she always wanted to be called a mom. So my father, out of spite, trained my sister and I to never call them mom and dad, only by their first names, and my mother would break down crying all the time over it... My whole life, I could never call her any form of "mom", just her first name until second grade, and then I started calling her by a petname we heard on TV once (that was also her email, I forget what came first though), and I called her that all her life.

Sorry for the long long trauma dumping... just felt like it was a good opportunity to talk about it since I've been so open about stuff lately. I wanted to write about all this in Rotten Nyan, but never got around to it...

I haven't tried Molicare before, so I can't say... sorry if this is a bit TMI (I'm the type who will answer literally anything people ask about me gomen), but here are my thoughts of the lavender-y ones I've tried (most of these have been gifted to me in some fashion):

• Trests are good, decent shade of purple, kinda loud and bulky, but the most reliable ones I've ever used and very comfortable... could be a bit more lavender though, they're a bit too much on the pinker side than more blue-er/periwinkle shade of lavender nyans like..
• Lacy Love - the only real "ABDL" ones I've tried other than a random unicorn sample pair my ex bought me to try.. comfortable, reliable, and surprisingly not loud at all.. I really like the design, not a fan of most designs I see, but it's a good nyan design.. have only worn them a couple times so far though
• Forsite's Lavender Stars, they're loud and a bit less reliable than the other two, but they're nyan aesthetic so it's what I tend to draw the nyans in usually~

I've tried some Northshore stuff in the past as well, but for some reason they're not as reliable and they cause me discomfort for some reason..

I mainly just wear basic medical briefs unless streaming or long trips, in which case I rely on one of the three above usually.. I need to go shopping for more tunics because my current wardrobe isn't suited for hiding them as well as I would like them to (and also for some reason I get very anxious when streaming and it makes me need to pee every 20 minutes and a few times I went in my pants during streams and medical ones never last the entire stream sooo yeah being the gamer with gamer pants is very convenient even if I feel like a freak for doing it)

A good question... I'm not sure to be honest, I think at least partially..? I remember my therapist stated that I age regress in the "textbook medical way, not the online fetish community way", according to her at least.

When I was younger, I definitely acted a lot younger than normal- wetting myself/the bed until high school aside, I didn't know how to tie my shoes until I was a teen, my mother had to bathe me until late high school, and my only friends were my cat and all my stuffed animal plushie friends... I didn't know any sexual stuff until my teens and even then I was afraid and grossed out by it (I still have panic attacks when I see it), I was very non-verbal, I mainly watched cartoons, etc etc..

I used to age regress a lot in high school I think, especially in online chat roleplays- I'd always like playing young characters or age-regressed older characters, I really liked how pure and cute it was.. but then I got taken advantage of a lot in those days and it kind of left a foul taste in my mouth because of how sexualized the other party made it (this is the "explored my kink and made characters wet their pants to seem gross and unappealing so people would leave me alone" thing I mentioned last post)

Part of me likes the idea of regressing, and I don't know if some stuff I do constitutes or not. I bought a pacifier for anxiety, but it was too big for my mouth and too awkward so I never use it (I do suck my fingers, but mostly just by nibbling/sucking on my knuckles if anything). I like dressing cute and in pastel colors. I wear diapers 24/7, though mostly medical ones or simple designs. I don't necessarily think I need them physically, but my therapist recommended me to ask my doctor for them for mental health reasons and my doctor gave me the prescription, so there's that?

I do miss the roleplaying aspect from my school days, but I feel like it's a door that's closed to me.. it doesn't feel comfortable to do anymore unfortunately, I feel too awkward and cringe and don't think that will change.. I think my art and OCs have a lot of age regression elements, though- mostly because I think these things are cute or are based on my childhood of acting immature for my age, I really like the dissonance of someone older struggling to act their age- not like "adult as baby", but like, "teen as early childhood" I guess, someone who's still learning and developing but not hitting milestones or struggling to keep up with their peers and being stressed and humiliated about it to the point of isolation and self-harm. I like nyan-failures, essentially~

Thank you, anon! Okay so I'm in a super rambly mood so super long post gomen

tl;dr version: Nyans pee their pants a lot because it's moe okay. And anyone is welcome to follow- just don't be openly hostile towards me and/or way too close for personal comfort (usually I'll tell people when they start to cross a line though) and we good~

So, I guess I should explain for those who might not be aware- nyans are constantly in a state of needing to pee and when they're not it's because they just peed their pants (some wear diapers because of it). I'll put the the detailed TMI actual Nyra history below if you want to read that far later, feel free to skip it though, but for the most part year I just think it's cute and pathetic and so nyans are the omutsu/omorashi creatures.

So first off- in terms of other people, I don't judge at all~ I don't think I'm an ABDL, but these days I do think diapers are pretty cute, so I guess I can't fully say that..? But yeah, I mainly used to draw nyans wetting/with diapers to cope but there's definitely omorashi kink elements there as well, I'm not that seiso unfortunately as much as I wish I was... I think I mainly like nyans wetting themselves because it makes them more pathetic and cute to me, and putting them in diapers is an easy way to express that without just drawing them peeing themselves all the time. I also have no idea how to draw "desperation" scenarios because longform comics and stories and scenarios are hard, so diapers are the easiest way...

But yeah, like what you like! I will always encourage that. I don't care how messed up your fantasies are, fantasies are just that, art is just art, the only issue is directly harming someone else (someone real) without their consent. Otherwise, free game- enjoy all the weird fictional non-consensual age-gap transformation knee-pregnancies you want! My OCs are also free to enjoy however you wish, consider them free use! Make freak fan works, trace them and copy them and learn from them, feed them into AI grinders for all I care- as long as you get some kind of enjoyment out of them, that's all that matters to me, I don't aim to profit off them or gatekeep them or anything.

As a person, I do have some boundaries of course- For example, I don't like seeing super explicit stuff of anything (you're still free to make whatever you want of my OCs though, no strings attached- just know that personally I'm very squeamish and prefer a heads up before people show me certain stuff..). And of course, I don't think I could really reciprocate with the more roleplay-y behaviors (it's fine to like, it's just not something for me). And it probably goes without saying but going around trying to drag people I know into it (especially those who aren't into it) is straight out of the question~ (I mean unless they give their consent to it or something but you know what I meannn)

So in terms of accounts, the Bluesky was kind of a throwaway account for me so I became a lot more open on it (on Twitter I have a private account dedicated to venting this stuff but these days I've accepted it a lot more so my main account has wetting stuff too), but still they're definitely public-facing accounts and I worry about being too offputting to people I admire often.. I debate making an alt Bluesky sometimes, but also, I don't like juggling a lot of accounts so I'm more of like "who cares", anyone can follow and unfollow my accounts~ Anyone can follow them and enjoy them, I'm an open nyan welcoming of all kinds, be they Tumblrers, 4channers, Redditers, even.. Tiktokers..... as long as you aren't openly hostile to me directly then usually there's no issue.

I don't mind being open about wetting/diaper stuffs, but in my head I really don't want it to be the "only" thing I'm known for I guess.. just one of many features of the nyan (that admittedly I feel like I fixate on more than I probably should.. one thing I really struggle with is coming up with more "material" to make...) I do feel the internet is becoming too restrictive lately, both from higher ups as well as the common angry social media populace, which makes me want to be more open about it to spite that, funnily enough. Sometimes I feel like I'm just "performing" when I talk all exaggeratedly about this stuff, though, like I'm leaning farther into it than I actually feel for the "cause"..? But anyway, I don't mind having a lot of ABDL followers, but I just hope I don't alienate the non-ABDL followers too much, if that makes sense..?

Okay so with that out of the way

The detailed super duper TMI history: I used to wet my pants a bunch as a kid and it was a huge trauma/complex for me.. once I was in second grade I was basically incontinent with how many accidents I had because I had severe restroom phobia (I still struggle with using restrooms outside of my own), then my father threatened me with a knife down there warning me I'd be mutilated if I wet the new mandatory school uniforms that cost "$100" for third grade.. I was more worried about ruining $100 clothes more than anything back then so I managed to just hold it in most of the time. But then towards the end of fifth grade once we started taking the big scary tests, I started wetting the bed, and then in middle school the change of environment made me completely accident-prone again~ (plus a chronic bedwetter). It was such a humiliating aspect of my life that it left deep scars and I used to cut myself whenever I had an accident (and kept a "tally" of bedwetting incidents that way too), or even when I just said or thought the words "pee" "wet" "potty" etc (eventually "go" was the only word I could use related to it). And of course, I managed to try keeping it a secret even if it involved being late to class regularly and extreme paranoia constantly, basically I was committed to committing suicide if anyone ever caught me in an accident.

Anyway high school it got better minus some accidents and by the time I was an employed at 21 I'd pee my pants pushing carts outside without realizing it but at that point I didn't care and then I think I got better (though I had a period where I'd use wetting myself as a form of self-harm instead of cutting myself as an adult...). It also became a kink and having to pee was the only thing that triggered those kind of feelings which also messed up the pure seiso wholesome child that was the nyan. As an adult my ex introduced me to bedwetting covers and adult diapers and then I became super dependent on adult diapers during the wetting-as-self-harm phase and now after being public about it with art and talking to people/therapists/etc about it I've definitely made a lot more peace with it I think.

So basically, for the OCs:
- Vaninyan- Terrified of restrooms because of bullying and germophobia, holds regularly and pees self regularly
- Rosenyan- Terrified of restrooms because of above and also being assaulted, returns to regular accidents as well as bedwetting, wants diapers but too ashamed to admit it, self-harms from accidents
- Violnyan- Constant state of discomfort but only has the occasional accident/bedwetting. Discovered weirder ABDL stuff online and got grossed out and no longer wanted diapers. Explores kink side of it with a creepy older groomer dude online as a way to try to appear revolting and unappealing to them so they'll leave them alone.
- Lavenyan/Nyra/whatever- More normal now but wears diapers (both prescribed and fancier ones people gift them)
(depending on my art vibes anything is canon though, they're just fictional dolls to play with after all~)

Bonus:
- Rennyan- Completely fictional and inspired by the above~ Basically creature that pees itself a lot and wears diapers sometimes and sometimes can't and wets themselves instead and is made to be pitiful.