I'm not sure... I think a lot of it has to do with a mixture of trusting someone enough to be vulnerable with them, and risking ruining my "image" in other people's eyes or disappointing people, I guess.. It's hard to know if such a person would exist

I've spoken about this stuff on my private vent Twitter, and admittedly that was made a bit out of self-destructive tendencies ("yeah see how awful a person I am, hate me, I don't care anymore" type of stuff), and I have spoken directly to a few people who ask about it, though it's still hard to feel comfortable about it because I don't think I'm capable of fully expressing my thoughts and feelings, and letting myself openly be negative about certain topics just makes me feel... dirty? Like being mean doesn't feel good, at least in the long term.

For those curious about the topics- I'm very open about most things related to me (anything about my past/abuse/self-harm, etc, the whole wetting/diaper stuff, etc), but then there are things that are mostly just the voice of me reading things, wanting to argue against them, but realizing I'm just screaming into the air and being part of the reactionary problem and it doesn't feel good.. basically, political stuffs, social issues, etc. Plus, I don't think I'm an expert on the topics either, I've just formed strong opinions of my own, and I don't think I'm the one capable of explaining them or arguing in favor for them or anything.. (plus seeing that stuff in general can stress me out and so why would I stress my followers out by making these things grow when I could just talk about other things instead to help get our minds off things)

I guess for example one general feeling I have that feels safe enough to share is the wishing death on people. I'm someone who will try never to do that, and it makes me feel sick whenever I see it, personally. But also, I get where people are coming from- some figures people are just tired of and want gone. But still, wishing death is a step farther than I ever wish to take, and it does still hurt when I see people around me do it. Which is essentially the majority of people I know at this point, but still, I've accepted that it's a me thing and that me arguing this is just going to make those around me less comfortable being open around me about these feelings, if that makes sense? I can also definitely be called a fence sitter on a lot of issues because I try to debate a lot of things in my head instead of see things black-and-white, but what good does it to do be a contrarian to these people I like by playing the devil's advocate? Make them feel bad, makes me feel bad and exposed, no one wins.

Anyway just rambling at this point, I have a lot of thoughts and opinions but those are just mine~ In terms of the stuff I want to make art of... basically my own unique views of controversial stuffs, a soapbox of opinions essentially, which I don't think is a good idea to make. I also like the idea of making flawed characters- taking something I believe in, and then pushing it to the extreme to make it "villainous", for example. But ultimately, these ideas don't have solid substance- they're made first and foremost to vent soapbox opinions, and looking for an excuse to vent, and I don't think that is a solid foundation to making something for me personally.