and through this all happening he feels so bad that he for some reason feels guilty when he has sex with his boyfriends? like it feels good for once because it never does with the staff and he knows hes not cheating because its a part of his job and the others do it too but why does he feel so guilty about it all the time? and obviously he cant tell them because what if they think hes weak and not strong enough to stand with them and he loves them SO much he cant leave them and he just want to be good and make everyone happy but its weighing on him that he cant cope with the “normal” burdens of being an idol and is he really not good enough?? and hes eating so much less because at least he can try to match the body image they are trying to push and make everyone proud of him (his boyfriends are so worried) -🌸