This is a tough nut. Obviously, i have a number of very tender/formative memories that gesture toward this, but i tended to take "performing gender," as one of those onerous things of life, like taxes, dying or whatever, and i set about it with the sort of seriousness and rigor that i bring to most areas. Then, having exhausted that, i set to hormonal/surgical transition with that same seriousness and rigor, without feeling a sense of positively held identity, but hoping one would emerge through the physical process. In time I came to feel that, having reached a level of satisfaction/comfort with my physical being, and seeing how i am perceived by others, that describing myself as having a nonbinary identity was a positive way to be "socially legible," which is something i did not have previous confidence in. As it was presented to me initially, being gender variant, as a thing you "identified as," performing endlessly without a serious physical component, was a sort of nightmarish worst of both worlds scenario. What matters to me is being nondysphoric physically, and an identity is a social tool that helps me achieve that goal. I hope that makes sense?