i decided to close the acc, because i want to keep liking jn! running that acc has run my love for jn, n0min, and writing to the ground... it's not even about the hate anymore because it's something i learned to tolerate over the years, but because i don't really have the support anymore 🥹 i've been writing for so long that ppl just grew used to my presence so i hardly get any feedbacks on my works. i don't write as fast as i used to, so ppl would get upset and spam my inbox with things like "if you have time to scroll twt, then you have time to update" and that's all i ever woke up to :^) i don't mind ppl asking for updates, but i would get so anxious waking up, rt one thing, and have my inbox flooded with "update?" with no follow up lol. in the end, it just felt like i was a writing machine... i hated what i was putting out, but the audience loved it. if i liked what i was putting out, ppl absolutely hated it. in the end, there was no middle and i was just so miserable every day :^)

now that i've been away for five months, i started to really enjoy dream's music again! i also started watching jn fancams again, and it seems like i still like him a lot! i was just burned out so i thought the feelings were gone, but watching him, especially his mfal fancams, still makes me as happy as he did back in 2018 eueuuee...

i still have some things to take care of on that acc, so i can't close it yet. for one, i need to finish up pinkno because a lot of my friends are fans of that story, and i would feel bad leaving it unfinished. once that's wrapped up, i'll formally bid goodbye!

btw im curious, how did you end up finding me on this acc ?! LOL

honestly when i made this acc, i just told myself since the ficdom is small, even if i release shitty stories, ppl have no choice but to read it anyways because the tags are so dry 😹 that's why i was so surrpised viral love did so well, and when i told one of my closest nct friends about it, she told me that of course the story did well because it's me who wrote it. i remember being really taken aback because at that point i was totally convinced my spark for writing had died out and im way past my prime time and my stories aren't as good as my 2018-2020 releases. i remember thinking, what the heck is she talking about? maybe she's just being nice... hahaha

i started releasing more and more stories because ppl told me they really liked what i was putting out. during the first two months, i thought ppl only liked my stories because there was nothing else to read, but then i started receiving paragraphs and essays about how impactful my stories were and it made me realize maybe it was just me who was looking down on my own contents...

after changing my mindset, i started to seriously enjoy my own works again, and i noticed that more ppl were beginning to like them too! i have received so many supportive messages during my time here, and it feels like it's 2018 all over again during the time i truly found happiness from writing 🥹

i may have not taken this account seriously when i first made it, but this has now become my safe space and i'm so happy to be both a part of this fandom and shipdom <3 the ppl here are so lovely, and the tws boys are all so sweet and lovely too 🥹

it's a bit of a pity, but i'm planning to permanenly close jentokki by the end of this year. im happy you found me here and keeping up with my writing journey! thank you for sticking with me since 2018 🙇‍♀️