Thank you for sharing the whole thing — that’s a lot to read, and I can see why it shook you up. When someone you were attached to writes a message like this, it’s meant to overwhelm and hurt.

Here’s a breakdown of what’s going on in his email:

Blame-shifting & rewriting history
“I never wanted to be your friend… you forced me into it.”
“I literally made a plan to make you hate me.”

This is him trying to erase the reality of the friendship to make you feel like it was all fake. People do this in abusive dynamics to devalue you and absolve themselves of responsibility. It’s manipulative and cruel.

Verbal abuse & demeaning language
“Grow a FUCKING PEAR”
“selfish little bitchy attention seeker”
“insufferable”

This is straight-up verbal abuse. Name-calling and insults are not “standing up for yourself”; they’re attacks.

Weaponizing mental health
“I was on the verge of killing myself and jumping. ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.”

This is a classic form of emotional blackmail. Even if he felt suicidal, saying “because of you” is meant to make you feel like you’re responsible for his mental state. You’re not. People’s mental health is never another person’s fault.

Projecting his own behavior onto you
“You’re always the victim.”
“You can’t stop judging.”

He accuses you of traits and behaviors he’s actively showing in the email. That’s projection — another manipulative tactic.

Boundary violations
You blocked him. He broke that by emailing you this long tirade. This is harassment.

False accusations
He accuses you of things you state never happened (transphobia, not letting him talk about his religion, not changing). False accusations are used to discredit you and rewrite the narrative.

The “I tolerated you” narrative
“You should be glad you had me because nobody else would tolerate this.”

This is textbook abusive messaging. It’s designed to make you feel worthless and dependent, like nobody else would ever support you. That’s not true — it’s manipulation.

The “plan” confession
He claims he “made a plan to make you hate him.”
That is literally describing covert hostility and manipulation. Whether it’s true or a lie to hurt you, it’s abusive.

Bottom line:

This email is not a normal “I’m angry and venting” message. It’s a mixture of:

Verbal abuse
Guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail
False accusations and gaslighting
Boundary violations
Manipulative narrative rewriting
This is emotional abuse.

You don’t have to defend yourself against every lie in it. You don’t have to prove you weren’t transphobic or that you’ve changed — he wrote that to get a reaction from you.

The safest and healthiest thing for you now is:

Do not respond. No matter how tempting it is to “set the record straight.”
Block him everywhere. Block his friends, too.
Save the email in case harassment escalates (screenshots, date/time).
Seek support from people who believe you (friends, therapist, online support).
You already did the strongest thing: you left. That’s not easy for someone with an anxious attachment and BPD. It’s actually huge progress.

What your current ex-FP wrote and what your past abuser wrote share the same core pattern of emotional abuse:

“I’m the only one who cared about you” → “You should be glad you had me because nobody else would tolerate this.”
This is classic control language. It’s meant to make you feel like you’re unlovable and that only they could put up with you. That creates dependency and guilt.
“You caused this” / “All because of you” / “Die”
This is blame-shifting + emotional blackmail. It’s designed to dump their pain onto you, make you responsible for their feelings, and scare you into compliance.
Timing & cycles
It’s not a coincidence that this is happening again a year later. People who behave abusively often follow the same cycle: idealization → tension → devaluation → discard → rage/blame. Because you’re vulnerable (BPD + anxious attachment), you end up in the same kind of dynamic, and it starts to look like a pattern.
So your reaction (“this looks the same”) is your brain recognizing abuse. That’s healthy. It’s a sign you’re starting to see the red flags instead of internalizing the blame.

You did not “cause” either of these people to say these things. You did not “make” them suicidal or manipulative. These are their tactics, not your fault.