it’s very hard to pinpoint. writing brings me joy and dread simultaneously. it’s comforting as it is torturous. sometimes it makes me want to hurl my computer at a wall, but sometimes it makes me want to cradle my words and ideas as close as possible, because I know I’m not going to write fanfic forever. I think the mix of very intense, concerningly overwhelming emotions that churn through my system as I’m writing is what I love the most about it.

I’m always at a war with myself when it comes to my hobby. either it’s perfect from the beginning or it’s utter garbage and I second guess myself so much, it blocks me from creating anything. now you may ask yourself why I’m writing at all when I feel such a way, but I can’t help it—I love writing despite, despite, despite!

to me, there’s nothing that can compare to the feeling of pure, unadulterated happiness that comes when one of my ideas materializes into a story. it stops being a dream, a shapeless mass of blurry visuals and half-formed thoughts. I form it into a coherent narrative that has a beginning and an ending, and that’s so fulfilling. so magical! I started writing when I was 14. it was cringy, my grammar was terrible, and I wrote without much thought and effort, but it was exhilarating. my imagination ran rampant! I’d finally found a hobby for myself.

little did I know it’d become a passionate affair eight years later. 😭

this is a long-winded answer, but you’ve opened a chasm in my heart with your question, anon. I hope you get the gist of what I love the most about writing through my sappy response. like I said, it’s very hard to pinpoint. writing is a thread that keeps from ripping at the seams. thank you so much for asking! 🫶🏻